


Running in Circles

by ziplockbaggy



Category: The Good Wife (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-29
Updated: 2014-07-29
Packaged: 2018-02-10 21:38:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2041173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ziplockbaggy/pseuds/ziplockbaggy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Will has been running in circles when it comes to his feelings for Alicia, but being shot in the chest changes the way a person thinks.</p><p>Written for sweetjamielee's <a href="http://sweetjamielee.livejournal.com/106698.html">"Everything Changes" 2014 TGW Ficathon</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	Running in Circles

**Author's Note:**

> I strayed a little bit from the prompt, but overall it works with it. (Plus, I know Will wasn't shot in the chest but shhhh Will was never shot at all remember.)  
> Prompt: Alicia/Will, Finn: Will survives the shooting, but left him very injured, in the months that he takes to recover and rehabilitate, he doesn't want to talk with Alicia, since she went to the hospital to visit him, and he told her to get out. In that time, Will mets new people in his life that helps him get through the pain, depression and fear of his injuries. Alicia watches him and just asks about him because he's giving her the cold shoulder at first. She fights a lot with Peter in all this months and realizes that she wants to be with him. She tries to confront him about her feelings, but Will's just tired of this game of hers, in which she just changes her mind very quickly, and tries to brush her off because she doesn't have the arguments to convince him of her love. Will just cares about actions. Some time later Alicia is very sure of what she wants and makes the ultimate move, a bold move, so very like her; in which a romantic gesture tugs at Will's heart and he's finally starting to get convinced.

He needs time to figure out what the hell he's thinking. Gloria, the kind older woman that has been stuck on the same hospital floor due to bypass surgery has become his daily ally. He wheels into her room daily holding whatever strange pudding creation he's been given that day, plus a ready mind to be subjected to the Game Show Network’s continuous droll. The whole floor has been talking about what happened with his previous visitor so he knows what Gloria is going to be asking him about this time around, so he chooses to push his chair a little slower, contemplating his answer.

"You told her to get out? That nice woman that's been crying at your bed side the past week and a half whenever you’re sleeping in the morning?"

He hesitates in handing over his butterscotch pudding, holding the cup close. Will raises his eyebrows in protest.       

"It's a long story and I’d much rather discuss March Madness if that's alright with you."

Gloria reaches out for the pudding, sternly holding Will's gaze.

"Kentucky's out of the competition. There, we discussed, now give me that cup and talk about your problems or leave."

There's something about authoritative women that Will finds impossible to refuse, so he hands over the food and rolls a little out of Gloria's reach, feeling far too vulnerable to begin this conversation close to her.

Gloria starts the conversation, carefully peeling back the lid on the plastic pudding cup, "Now I heard you screaming at her earlier today, telling her to get out. What's the deal, son?"

Grabbing the TV remote, Will clicks through the endless array of stations; all he sees is Alicia's tear-filled eyes, her lips steady as she briskly walks out of the room.

"She's a married woman. She never loved me," he begins, already bitter. Sesame Street pops on the screen, colors vibrant and much too cheery for his taste.

"Okay."

_It’s time to talk about shapes!_

Will turns to look at Gloria. She's opened her pudding, checking the package to ensure everything is there. Meticulous old woman.

"Okay?" Will asks.

"But you loved her, yeah?"

_This is a circle! Can you say circle?_

He pauses, watching muppets show real life examples of circles and round things that appear in the daily world.

"I love her. Loved? I don't know anymore, I'm just sick of it."

"Sick of what?" Gloria licks pudding off the lid, Will still keeping his eyes on the children’s show.

"Sick of us not working out. She's married and I've stuck around waiting for the best for far too much of my life. We just have bad timing, that’s never going to change."

_Come on kids, let’s run around in circles!_

"Oh honey, you're too rich to have bad timing. Just talk to the girl. Nothing can go wrong with a ‘lil talking," Gloria tells him, as if it’s old news. She hands the pudding in Will’s direction, giving him his last chance to take back the treat.

"Just eat your pudding. No more talking."

-

"Hey, look at you!" Finn Polmar stands at Will's front door, hands finally free of bandages all these weeks later, but eyes still shining with constant concern.

"Yeah, look at me!" Will counters, opening the door to let the taller man inside. Finn stops by often, joining Will in talk that covers everything except for the day of the shooting. Will knows what the man did for him, so he attempts to pay him back by offering free beers and an ear for conversation.

“So I know you've been ignoring me, lately," Finn starts, turning to look at Will.

"Oh, I have?" He's reminded of Gloria's tactful approach to conversation and makes a mental note to give her a call.

"I've called you and Alicia's tried many times -"

"I really don't have the energy to talk to her, Finn."

"Well, she's worried about you and won't leave me the hell alone about it."

"Peter can't be happy about that." Will feels a delighted twisting in his chest, numbed only slightly by the painkillers he's still forced to take.

"Will, you really matter to her. You don't need stubborn miscommunication to be the deciding factor of your fate. Believe me."

The man might have held his wounds while he was bleeding out, but Alicia has figuratively shot him in the chest countless times. Frankly, he doesn't give a damn.

"You don't know both sides of the story; she used me, Finn. She took advantage of my feelings and twisted them for her own good. At this point, Peter and her are more alike than not!"

Finn kept a stoic demeanor, sliding his hands into his pockets and heading back towards the door.

"What, you've heard enough?" Will asks.

"No, I’m just waiting until you decide that being bitter and resentful isn’t going to get you anywhere with this. Face it, Will. You do care, and we all care about you. We want you to feel better.”

Will holds the door, watching as Finn walks down the hallway.

“Maybe I’m not ready to feel better.” A whisper into the empty hallway; the dust bunnies agree with Finn.

-

Will finds himself visiting the hospital frequently. He has pain pills to pick up and Gloria doesn't have any family left. His visits with her are often the highlight of his week. Maybe because she doesn't put up with his bullshit.

Today, he happily cancelled a late lunch with his sisters, dreading the talk of how his "near-death experience should make him reconsider his life style and get fucking married already."

Playing war with Gloria while Wheel of Fortune is on, however, is much less painful.

"So you ever been married, honey?" Gloria asks him after the cards have been dealt, glowing with pride as her ace trumps his king, pulling the cards to her pile.

"No." His jack and her queen. Once again, he loses and it seems to be Gloria's time to get personal.

"My husband was a man of few words back when he was alive." 10 and a 4: Will's redemption. "Stubborn as you, but less pain in the eyes." Will stops to look at her and Gloria places down another card, not fazed by his inquisitive glance.

"I was the one that proposed," she says, eyes misting at the memory. "Earl just stood there, holding the frozen bag of peas he just brought back from the grocery store, probably thinking I was the damned craziest woman he'd ever been with.” She looks up, waiting for Will to place his next card down.  "He said yes," she continues.

Will sat staring at his deck, finding himself thinking of Alicia.

"I told her that I loved her, once. That married woman." The cards are forgotten. "She brushed it off. She always brushed me off when I wanted to talk about being serious. She doesn’t see me as serious."

"Well, I'm sure-"

His memories move quickly from remembering their time together to finding out she was leaving the firm, "No. She knew how I felt and she used me. She didn't love me, she never had, and it was all a trick to get my trust, my clients."

"Have you asked her about it?"

"No, it doesn't matter-"

"Have you asked her about it?" Gloria's voice is stern, eyes peering at him over rust-colored wire frames.

"No, not exactly."

"Then don't bother complaining to me 'til you do." His 3 to her jack: Gloria's game.

-

Will starts jogging again, painfully aware of the scar on his sternum, never taking off his shirt.

Alicia hasn't called him directly yet, still sending doe-eyed Finn to try and pierce the armor he's put up around the subject.

He contemplates being serious. Alicia has always thought of him as a boy, and maybe he is a boy. But being shot in the chest changes the way a person thinks, and all Will can think about is what he would have left behind if he were to have died.

He sees Alicia, standing by his bed, her eyes red with lack of sleep.

Running along the lake, Will can't help but see signs of her everywhere. She's in the waves, gently rocking the boats on the lake bringing joy to sailors. Waves also destroy boats.

His thoughts continually turn bitter and it messes with him, his steps pounding the pavement so hard until sharp pains shoot up his shins.

"God, I hate her." His side starts to ache with labored breathing.

“God, I love her,” Will whispers under his breath, wheezing until he realizes he should stop. He needs to take it easy.

Collapsing onto the closest bench, he realizes he's never known how to take it easy.

-

He doesn't hate her. He loves her, always have always will. It only takes a couple beers for him to figure it out again.

Kalinda has taken him out for drinks in celebration of the months of recovery he's endured and Will enjoys Kalinda's company, lately more so due to her lack of talk about Alicia. She seems to avoid the subject as tenaciously as he does and he's grateful.

But he's done with being self-preserving, and it might be the beer talking, so he speaks up.

"Does Alicia ever speak about me?"

Kalinda looks over quizzically.

"You know she's not at our firm anymore, Will."

"Oh, right. Right! She left." He stares into his empty bottle, swiveling the remaining liquid around. His forth beer?

"I've watched you both run circles around this," Kalinda starts. "You're both useless at actually talking, so just meet up with her and _talk._ Alicia's smart, she'll listen to you if she wants to."

"And what if she doesn't want to listen to me?"

Kalinda tilts her head toward the bar.

"Then I'll buy you another beer." Looking back at his drink, Will wishes he could laugh. He contemplates the circle his bottle forms at the bottom, wonders if he’ll ever be able to stop running in them when it comes to Alicia Florrick.

-

“Just call her, set up a time to talk to explain everything,” Will whispers out loud in his apartment, pacing in circles as he grasps his guitar.

He thinks he can do it, thinks he can muster up the courage to see Alicia. But every time he picks up his phone he sees her face in that police station over a year ago from now, telling him to move on.

She’s being selfish? Maybe it was him being too selfish.

Grabbing his phone off the coffee table and gripping it too tight, he dials; sighs with relief when Gloria picks up.

“Why are you calling me when you know Wheel of Fortune is on?”

“Did you and your husband ever have problems? Before you were together, I mean.” It’s personal, but Gloria is the only person that he feels like talking about this with, and from her lengthy pause, he worries she’s not up for discussion.

“William, every couple has their issues. Maybe not every couple has a marriage that’s in the way, but I also don’t know any married women that spend the majority of their free time cooped up at the bedside of the man they aren’t married to.”

Will shifts, needs more proof.

“We were friends for a long time, though, that could have had nothing to do with loving me,” he states his worries out loud for the first time he can remember. She might not love him anymore, she might never have.

“Being lovers doesn’t mean you aren’t friends anymore, honey. People that aren’t friends anymore don’t wait at bedsides. The woman cares, trust me. Now I have to go, the bonus round is on.” The long beep of the disconnect tone sounds and Will sits, stuck in place.

He feels ready. If Will Gardner can survive a bullet in his chest, he can survive whatever Alicia Florrick has to offer him, good or bad. He walks out the door, sweatshirt in hand and his heart beating faster than his doctor would like.

-

Will finds himself wandering aimlessly through the supermarket closest to Alicia’s apartment. He thought about going up, knocking on the door, demanding a moment of her time. However, it is dinner time. She could be picking up her kids from somewhere, maybe Peter was over.

The wide array of chicken cuts in the poultry aisle lay before him, mocking him of his cowardice. Furrowing his brow, Will walks around the perimeter of the store, past the produce and the bakery until he gets to dairy.

There he sees Alicia Florrick, contemplating multiple varieties of cheeses.

Will stops, skin turning cold as goose bumps rise on his skin.

“Alicia?”

She turns quickly, her eyes lighting up the moment she sees Will.

“Will.” It’s barely a whisper and he finds himself stepping towards her as Alicia does the same, but quicker as her arms loop around his torso, pulling Will into an incredibly tight hug. It’s a public display of affection that he so rarely sees from her, and he can barely breathe; elation fills his chest and he feels so light-headed that he might fall over.

She’s wearing cashmere, he notices, her sweater soft on his fingers as he rubs her back, making quiet noises for her to calm down. She’s burst into tears; he knows he should apologize, but finds himself twisting his brain into mush thinking about where to begin. Alicia beats him to it, pulling herself away and rubbing away mascara from under her eyes.

“You’re an asshole, Will Gardner,” she says under her breath. He really can’t argue. “How could you do that to me?”

“Do what? Get shot?” He knows she’s talking about his scene in the hospital room and he instantly regrets what he said. Her eyes instantly well up, brows furrowed as she shoves Will as hard as she can.

“Yes! For getting shot, Will. You yell at me and kick me out of your room, all while refusing to explain why. You don’t answer any of my phone calls, and Finn is insistent on giving me the silence treatment even when I simply ask if you’re doing well. It’s immature, Will, and I’m so angry at you. I’m so angry!” The last couple of sentences trail off as Alicia fights back tears and Will goes to her, pressing her to his body as he holds her head to the crook of his neck.

“Alicia, I’m so sorry,” he whispers, feeling his own throat constricting. The last time he saw her, she wasn’t close to him, just a woman that he loved more than he could ever understand a couple of feet away. Here, she’s the woman he loves, as soft as he remembers, her tears soaking through his sweatshirt. “I’ve been running around in circles trying to figure out what to say to you. You mean so much to me, Alicia, so damn much. There were pain killers involved, but I have so much to tell you, Alicia, and I have so much to listen to, so please, let’s talk.”

Alicia is silent and Will feels himself freeze. Has he said too little or too much? She eventually pulls back and places her hands on his chest, staring at his sternum where he feels his scar tracing his skin. Will moves his hands to cup her face, Alicia’s eyes closing as she grins, a tear falling down her cheek.

"I'm done with Peter," she says. The most simple of facts. Will nods, his eyes giddy and Alicia laughs, a sound so free and happy that Will might cry more than he already is. 

“I love you, Will,” There it is. Alicia Florrick's declaration of love: stuck between the 2% milk and off brand Greek yogurt. “And for the love of God, yes, let’s talk.” Will closes his eyes, feels himself finally stepping out of the circle he’s been running in for years.

“I love you.” He whispers it back, moving to hold Alicia close, letting her feel his excitedly rapid heartbeat in the cold air of the dairy aisle. From now on, he might just try running in a straight line.


End file.
